Borderline Genius

(The MAGA Saga, S2E3)
“The Orange House windows were a black canvas against the night sky, save for one. The solitary beacon of Ronald J. Dump’s office. Even at that late hour, the light burned with a fierce, unwavering intensity. It was a message, silently broadcast to the city, to the nation, that he was there—always watchful, always working. No matter how late, that light remained, a promise and a warning all in one…”
Ronald J. Dump switched off the new audiobook by his Vice President, read with great respect and emotion by none other than Hilly D. Billy himself. “Good writing. Best in the world. Vladimir will die of envy—if he is still alive when the translation is available,” Dump mused, blissfully unaware that the passage had actually been written by Joseph Stalin’s ghostwriters and professionally translated by D. Billy himself—via Google Translate.
But indeed, he had no time for distractions. Using his brand-new secure iPhone (personally selected in a top-secret intelligence briefing at the Apple Store), he was hard at work laying off air traffic controllers, issuing executive orders on Twixer, which—most importantly—ensured the *fake* media had something HUGE to talk about instead of Congress grilling his Cabinet picks. His nominees were already whining to him about “unruly legislators.” (SO SAD!).
Serendipity struck as he reviewed his latest tweets, counting how many firings he had announced so far. A draft tweet caught his eye—a congratulatory message for Krissi Gnome’s confirmation as Home Insecurity Secretary .

His thumbs froze over the keyboard as the revelation hit. HE HAD JUST SOLVED BORDER SECURITY.
“We don’t need the Dump Wall anymore. We just post Krissi Gnome’s photo with a ‘BEWARE OF DOG’ sign every 100 meters along the border. Tremendous cost savings. Innovation. YOU’RE WELCOME, AMERICA!”
This was BIG. This was EFFICIENCY. This was the first real innovation of the Second Season. He had to share it immediately – at least with someone.
Jumping up, he – imagine that! – sprinted down the long corridor toward the soundproof wall separating his part of the Orange House from Lemonia’s wing and banged the wall with his strongest bone.…
Nothing…
He slammed his head against the wall again. Nothing. One more time…
Through the layers of high-tech soundproof panels and the echo of BANG! BANG! BANG! rattling the crystal chandeliers, he could hear only faintly:
“It is one o’clock in the morning, you @%@$@&@! “….
“I KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS. And you are wrong about @%@$@&@” confidently retorted Ronald. “RELAX!.. Whatever.”
Still radiating with deep and deserved satisfaction, Dump walked back to the Orange Office, rubbed his palms together, and opened Twixer again. This one was going viral.
Crossposted on condition of source anonymity from montrealissimo.substack. For more Episodes of The MAGA SAGA, go to the original publication.
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