Thank Musk, it’s First Trifecta Friday

Happy Friday, All!

Today, America is celebrating a trifecta – and a special one as such: today is International Human Solidarity Day, Ugly Sweater Day, and Sangria Day – all in one shot! Coincidentally, it prompts an ingenious solution to American lawmakers, who are most unfortunately deprived of the luxury to f… forget it all and go on a break.

Here’s my suggestion: Speaker Mike Johnson and every remaining soul in Congress, don ugly sweaters today—and nothing else! That’s right, nothing. If they’re serious about Human Solidarity, levelling the playing field and confronting each other in nothing but tinsel-covered polyester could be an excellent start.

Picture it: Trump’s Little Johnson, standing proud in the chamber, draped in a sweater so appalling it could make Presidents on the walls blush. Imagine how he addresses the House: “Ladies and gentlemen, solidarity isn’t just a buzzword. It’s about wearing this dangerous outfit and feeling equally ridiculous – but clearly united against Elon Musk.”

The entire chamber erupts in cheers and follows suit—literally. Gone are the power suits and silk ties; in their place, LED lights, gingerbread-scented horrors, and a level of exposure not even Twitter memes can outridicule. The message is clear: united we stand, embarrassed and slightly chilly – but united.

And because no day of solidarity is complete without a scapegoat, the Sweater of Shame is bestowed upon Elon Musk. A bipartisan delivery team presents him with a knit garment featuring penguins with flamethrowers invading Mars. The subtext? “Hands Off Congress! Shut Your TwiXter first!”

To cap it off, a Sangria fountain flows freely on the House floor, covered by the extended budget. Nothing says unity like raising a glass while everyone tries not to stare too long at Johnson’s blinking Rudolph. For one glorious day, Congress is stripped down, buzzed, and—dare I say—almost functional, for a change.

So here’s to Human Solidarity, ugly sweaters, and the courage to bare it all, at least this last working Friday!

Happy Holidays!

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